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The Drunken Barbarian Future Chase

by Janus Manbottom | Score: 5650

He was standing in the middle of the road when he saw a horse and buggie approach. But it was a future horse and buggie, so the horse didn't have legs and it was driven by an artistic barbarian, whose name was Cromwell Goatfeeder. I gazed in wonder at the barbarian and he looked at me as well. We both smiled incredulously. That was the most vicious move a man could make when out alone at night. What a truly awful human. Or was he? I pulled my blaster from its holster and shot at him. He moved quickly and my laser blast struck a plush dog that was in the back of his wagon. 

"Cromwell!" I screamed. "I am going to kill you!" 
He didn't seem to care and took off into the woods laughing. I gave chase but he moved quickly. Quicker than I could have imagined. The bounty notice in my pocket was still hot form the wall I had pulled it from, but it only mentioned his slayings--not his speed. He galloped through the forest and over a stream. Meanwhile, I fell on my face and hurt my leg. I checked my blaster: it was still in good condition. 

Finally, he came to a cliffside that overlooked a massive lake. I knew he was going to jump, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction that I would have stopped or even looked frightened. 

"Glorpus, you simply must get better at your job!" He doffed his monocle (barbarians loved trying to look smart) and threw his top hat at me. I ducked because there were razor blades all over that hat and it stuck into a tree behind me. "Farewell, loser-butt!" 

And he jumped from the cliff and down into the waters below. I knew he was drunk, because he had wobbled into his full dive. At one point in my life, I had been a curious auctioneer and had held onto many relics of the barbarian tribes. One of which was a flask because most of them were crippling alcoholics. 

Oh well, I thought, and I dove in after him. 
Down below, I found his body. He was covered in blood and was lying on top of some jagged rocks. He had misjudged his dive. Poor soul. I ran my hands through his greasy hair and smiled a little smile. 

"Oh, what a dumb butt," I said. "I will see you in barbarian hell." 

I found my space horse and began to ride home. He pulled behind him a massive wagon that had enough room for me to sit in, and inside of it was all of the relics I had collected as an auctioneer. It was truly a sight to behold, but when I found a statuette of Cromwell--that old stick in the mud who was now dead from a misjudged leap--I threw the statuette out the window and shattered the window of my wagon. 

I took my relics to an immodest curator who was nothing lik eme, and that was the end of my journey. 

Completed challenges

The following challenges were completed during the writing exercise:

Begin Start typing to begin
Words Reach 50 words
Letter Use the letter T
Words Reach 100 words
Words Reach 200 words
Prop Include a plush dog
Character An artistic barbarian
Words Reach 300 words
Event A death needs to be avenged
Event Someone is drunk
Character A curious auctioneer
Letter Use the letter U
Words Reach 400 words
Prop Include a statuette
Event A glass shatters
Words Reach 500 words

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