The Origin of Barney the Mobster
by Anonymous | Score: 5800
A meteor approaches Earth. It's about the size of one-twelfth of the moon, and could easily blow up an entire country. To cope with the stress of this situation Barney Bennington made a bangle bracelet. His friend Xavier Xigxapper didn't like Barney's bracelet. So Xavier ate the bracelet. He believed that he had now sucessfuly saved Barney from a fashion nightmare.
Barney ran-away because he was so destraught about his bracelet. He ran into a curious business consultant. He signed a contract and then... all the air tuned black.
Barney is so scared now, that he consumed twelve containers of pudding. Barney's starting to question his life decisions. While he's question he decides to go and get out of the black air. So he goes to Delly's Donuts, where he fiends an enthusiastic fisherman taking about his latest catch which was 'twelveteen' feet. This makes barney laugh. Because he is realizing that there are people who are stupider than him. He laughs so hard, that he now has gone deaf... permanently.
Barney now is in a pickle, he can't see well because of the black air and he is now deaf. He is so stressed that he writes and entire comic book about it. A man named Greg Gris Gordon went over to see Barney's comic book. Barney can't make out what Greg is saying, but it seems to be a compliment. And then he recognizes Greg. Greg was a vulnerable moneylender who Barney had once swindled two-quadrillion dollars from. But it was fine, because Greg is stupid.
And then, Barney had a world-changing idea. Barney was going to be a dinosaur. He didn't know how, but him and his plush dog Detective Woofs were going to do it, no matter what people thought about them. And so he left to Mexico. He joined the mafia. And he got so rich, that he became a dinosaur and started a kids show.
The End.