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Sam's best day.

by Sexy Al Sharpton | Score: 6450

Sam was always nervous about what it would be like to be homeless.  He worried about the feeling he would have if he couldn't check his email on his computer anymore.  Then it happened, Sam walked into work and was told he no longer had a job.  He was escorted out with only a small box of his personal belongings.  Sam realized that his rent was due and he was about to be homeless.  His worst nightmares had come true.  He rushed home to what could be his last days in his small zesty apartment.  He folded his laundry and realized he hadn't had time to even find his polo shorts.  He quickly set everything on fire by using his zippo lighter.  Where would he go now that he didn't have much left?  It's not like he could just survive a zolt like this.   Suddenly he found Pam on the street walking up to him.  Pam was a miserable engineer. She always was complaining about how she had to keep building things for terrible people.  She began shouting at him about how he could be so .stupid to leave his search history open at work.  Then suddenly the great storm appeared and knocked everyone to their feet. How could all of these events suddenly be happening at once he thought.  Then it hit him, he had rubbed the lucky cat backward.  Everyone had warned him about doing so but it was a dare and no one dares Sam to do anything they don't want to be done.    So he had rubbed it in reverse.  Now he was cursed.  He'd never see his desk again.  Alone in the storm he thought, "what should I do now?"  Then he realized he knew the truth.  He knew he could goto Karen's house and this nightmare could all be over.  She had the cat.  She had it hidden under her blankets.  Sam hurried to Karen's house and knocked down the door.  Inside he found a childish astronomer named Brian.  Brian had been sleeping with Karen but not in a sexual way more in a napping with strangers sort of way.  Sam demanded to see the cat so he could rub it correctly but Karen had given it away just moments before.   Sam ran out side to find an old man who screamed "I need a death to be avenged!"  Sam quickly stabbed the man and said "there! ya happy?!" and the old man handed over the cat.  Sam rubbed it correctly and the sky parted.  God shouted down at Sam, "I like your cut G" and Sam fell to the ground.  He reached into his pocket and found a comic book.  The comic book was a batman one.  "I hate batman" Sam sighed.  He tore the book up and God shouted "that's a good issue. I like it when batman goes 'swear to me' and sounds like he has marbles in his mouth".  Sam couldn't believe it.  Everyone knows that Michael Keatan's batman is the best one of call.  Everyone started to spit on Sam when he said that.  Sam couldn't believe how rude everyone was being.  It wasn't like they were the ones who had gotten fired and burned down their apartment.  Suddenly an unguarded traffic warden named Mike showed up and stepped on Sam's face.  Sam couldn't believe the day he was having.  "I give up, you all are the total worst" he said.  Then he held his breathe because he didn't want to live anymore.  Sam started feeling his vision go dark and then he realized that by ending his life world peace had been achieved. 

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